The Pigswill Boys

Good ol' boys from Swine Mountain putting the fun back into dysfunctional.

Their rare appearances usually coincide with special events, such as the time cousin Jess went into town to buy a new shovel. They have enthralled and intrigued all those who have happened upon them.

Read on to learn more of this fascinating and talented family from Cracklin' Ridge, high on Swine Mountain.

Surprisingly, the boys have embraced new technology and can also been seen at these sites.

Pigswill Boys on You Tube

The Pigswill Boys on MySpace

You can contact the boys by hollerin' real loud or calling:

Dave Cornwell: (08) 9457 9025

contactus@thecahoots.com

 

Curly Tales from Swine Mountain

 

It was sometime in the late 1950’s word began to spread that a little known community up on Swine Mountain was starting to make contact with the outside world. These isolated people from up amongst the mist and pine trees were starting to appear more frequently on the streets of Skunksville and were sharing their unique music with the good townsfolk for payment in second-hand false teeth and other luxuries.

Two of the better-known players to come down from Swine Mountain at that time were identical twins The Pigswill Boys. Davo and Petie Pigswill came from a large family of ten that consisted of three sets of twins and one set of triplets. Ma Pigswill said there were actually four in the triplets all born at once but two looked like each other whereas the third looked more like the extra one.

For some one hundred years there were only the two clans on the mountain, on one side were the ancient Scottish clan of McSwill whose “tartan” consisted of grey dag wool with ragged holes. The reason for this was that the early McSwill weavers were forever trapping their fingers in the looms and losing them, hence they were never able to do the job properly. Lack of fingers also limited their musical entertainment on those lonely windy nights in the croft, so they headed for the Americas during the Highland Clearances in search of an audience that wouldn’t set the dogs on them after the first note.

The other family on Swine Mountain was of Irish stock and was known by its Gaelic name of O’ KhgjpigGg, which no one could pronounce without bringing up approximately three quarters of a cup of phlegm. It was subsequently shortened in the New World to O’Khgjpigg but that still didn’t work so Pig was the obvious next choice.

It was many years however before any integration between the two families happened and substantial in - breeding within the two clans caused a number of, yet to be identified new species to roam the mountains. One day in a pleasant glade by a waterfall, young Morag Swill, a pretty young sixteen year old of some twenty eight stone, was washing her smalls (and her not so smalls) in the river when Jeremiah Pig spied her whilst out hunting toads for supper. Jeremiah had never felt such excitement at his first sight of female flesh, and there was certainly lots of it to be excited about, so it was soon decided they should marry and by the time hunting rights were negotiated on the mountain the first set of twins had been born.

The Homestead at Cracklin' Ridge

Morag & Jeremiah

Davo & Petie

It was Davo, one of the first-born twins, who first picked up a musical instrument, the previous generations having become adept at whistling due to a drought of digits a hundred years before. Davo had found a fiddle being used by Ma PigSwill to tenderize some possum steaks and by attaching some fence wire, plus ten minutes practice, succeeded in driving out all the rodents within a seventy foot radius of the homestead.

Petie, on other hand, had found “one o’ them there geetar thungs” blocking a hole in a fence and again with five pieces of fencing wire managed to tune it to the key of “H”. After that the music just flowed from these two. Relatives from both families whistled tunes, some from the bogs of Ireland and others from the looms Harris.

We mustn’t forget though, the importance of the contribution made by the fourth triplet who appeared at an early age to have a natural musical talent. Like his forbears, he was an expert whistler and more than any other, had stored the complete musical history of both clans in his head in whistle form.
His name was Spider PigSwill, and were it not for his affliction, would be playing with the PigSwill Boys today. Unfortunately, being the fourth triplet, and the youngest, Spider was last in line for everything except his musical talent. Spider’s affliction however, was being endowed with a fatal sexual magnetism to all females, a problem so great, he was eventually forced to withdraw from public life and sit in solitude at home experimenting with his whistle and squeezing his concertina. Even today females young and old turn up on the off chance that Spider will make an appearance at the PigSwill Boys “sellout” shows but like the rest of the musical world, must learn to lament the loss.

Spidey's Gals

Don't know where he got it, don't think we need to know what he's doing with it these days for that matter, but Spidey he's dun got "the kavorca" and don't these pretty little gals know it.

In Laws - we only need one pair per couple on the mountain. Now that's being smart...

Bob Hogslop is pictured with the dulcimer he modelled on his wife in 1939. He is now working on a double bass.

The story goes, according to a story told to Spider and diligently archived amongst “the complete musical history of both clans in whistle form” somewhere in his head, that when Jeremiah proclaimed his intention to wed the virgin Morag, his mother had voiced her disapproval “if she ain’t good enough for her family, she ain’t good enough for ours!”, so loud that the roosters didn’t lay again ‘til the summer had gone.

Another fascinating story to come from the mountain was told to a journalist who had gone in search of the origins of life on Swine Mountain, of the three legged hog. Apparently when Davo and Petie were but young lads, about the time Davo was learnin’ to fiddle, one of McSwill’s bulls had strayed onto the Pig’s side of the mountain. This may or may not have had something to do with missing fence wire, and chased Davo and Petie straight down the well. With no way out they would’ve surely died but as luck would have it, that ol’ hog came along and with a bit of encouragement and the threat of castration ran squealing back to the cabin for help. Morag and Jeremiah were so thrilled the boys had been saved. “but how is it that the hog has only three legs?” asked the journalist. “Well” said Jeremiah, “with a pig that good…ya don’t want to eat him all at once!”

Then of course there was the time Ma Pigswill, after the birth of the four triplets, distressed by her husband’s philandrin’ ways had said “With all his playin’ around, how can I be sure be sure these babies is his?” Now it seems as though there was no need for her to have furrowed her brow about all that on account of all of ‘em having six toes like every one else. As Cletus would say, “At least we know we’re all kin!”
Spider, he’s the thinker and when he ain’t experimenting with his whistle, well, he ponders the great mysteries like…the way Mama says…”ya Pa an’ I ain’t a fightin’… it’s just siblin’ rivalry!” or… If a man divorces his wife…is she still his sister? And even greater mysteries like…
If a man was standing on the moon looking down….what would he be looking at? Speaking of looking down…cousin Jess on a rare trip to Skunksville to buy a new shovel, spied himself a fine pair of boots…..
But back to Spider. It is thought that he got his smarts from his great grandpappy Seth who had a propensity for book learnin’, something he developed after a trist with a strange girl he had taken a shine to as a young man, and who knows, things might have turned out differently for the family had she not been a thespian.

It was Seth that was credited with the ‘dozens’ rule on account of the clan’s lack of fingers an’ all. That is, by counting the toes and dividin’ by ten, it was easy to tell how many babies there is. Funny though, as smart as old Seth was, he had two horses and couldn’t tell one from the other ‘til one day he realized the black one was taller than the white one. Come to think of it, it was Seth that convinced us all not to have nothing to do with no insurance companies. He’d paid ‘em for so long and then when he needed them after his cabin burned down they didn’t want to help. They accused him of being drunk and smokin’ in bed. Of course Seth denied it …..he swore he was stone cold sober and besides, the bed was already on fire when he got in!

Hillary Pigswill is a distant cousin of Davo Pigswill (twice removed and three times evicted). He got the name Hillary because his mother was cross-eyed and his sister ended up being called Sugar Plum, it sure made life a lot easier for him at school, he regularly tells folk. His sister did become local boxing champion though and won in the hog-weight category,taking the trophy three times, the first time she got let off with a caution. Her boxing motto was "float like belly- pork, sting like a sugar plum".

Hillary Pigswill

 

L - R Seth, Billy, Jeremiah, Cletus, Lizzie, Morag, Spidey, Dave, Petie, Davo
and cousin Jess fixin’ the drinks...at least I think that's what hes doin' with that bucket.....